Sunday, March 7, 2010


It is so easy to forget why I chase the dreams I do. Today, life has been grungy and irksome, like putting on dirty socks. I went through the motions of work and education; mending my tattered clothes, trudging through pages of governmental theory. I felt as though my dreams betrayed me, turning to monsters while I slept.

After struggling with the last of weekend homework, I stepped outside for a moment to cool my head and look at the stars--ever a symbol of hope in darkness. There, more dazzling than all the rest, my eyes met Sirius, and I couldn't help but wonder at his placement in the night sky.

"Dear Sirius," I said, "You confound me. Closest to Earth of all the stars, besides Sun, and brightest light of the sky. But you stay constant in your glory, and the other stars never have a chance to outshine you. You watch your kin become meteoroid, but you do not budge. Why?"

Sirius did not answer. He continued dazzling, as he has since time began; a steady hope that outshines the rest.

If my hopes are like stars, they are surely as numerous. Every day, I find some new motivator to get me up and going. Every afternoon, I promise myself that the day has been worth it, that I will reach a goal, or three, and all will be well.

But always, these fragile hopes reach a breaking point. Sometimes, they break to reveal a sweet content, and sometimes, they break and leave me nothing. I'm left holding the fragments, mourning the hours I poured into them, and the foolishness that inspired me to chase them in the first place.

Yet one hope remains, as steadfast as the day I discovered it.

Ultimately, I understand my life to be a vapor. It feels that way most of the time, as though I'm only half-alive in this skin. There is a hope in me that calls out for something bigger, greater, more dazzling. It is a hope that is nearest to my heart, and the brightest light on my horizon. I hope that this will pass, and my redemption will be fulfilled. I hope that someday I will not be bound to this feeble, limited worship, and I hope someday I can stop fighting against the current, and sink into God.

This hope outlasts the others which die and fall. This dream is worth chasing, because it is constant of my sky. When I become disillusioned and tired, when I feel tormented by an unattainable future, I will reach for Sirius, and remember. I will reach for Sirius, and hope.

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